Man Lives Miserably to Add Five Extra Years to Life, Only to Suffer Them Too

A Mumbai man who gave up sugar, fast food, sleep-ins, relationships, and basic happiness to add five extra years to his life is now suffering through those years as well.

Fauxy sources say the man stopped eating anything that tasted good, treated weekends like weekdays, rejected human connection, and turned the gym into his personality, all to live longer. The strategy worked. He gained five extra years only to suffer them too.

Speaking to the Fauxy the man said, “My friends who said I wasn’t living my life are all dead now. So who’s winning, bitches?”

He is currently surviving on government pension while watching his investments compound.